Thursday, April 30, 2009

And So Life Goes On

Life goes on, they say. That phrase meant very little to me until recently. As I have been sick (so sick I wouldn't even play WoW) I have had a lot of time to think, which is not always a good thing. I still can't believe she's gone. I half expect Grammy to call me and ask me to go shopping with her. Last night I couldn't sleep because I had dreams about her, her wonderful voice. I can't even look at the clothes she left behind here without tearing up. I hug the stuff rabbit she held until her dying breath at night for comfort. Mom is still a mess. Not only is she still sick, she is in a very, very foul mood. If I didn't need the comfort of my parents so much I would gladly leave and return home.

Today I decided I would allow myself to mope another couple of days, till Monday, then return (or attempt) to normal life. I still need a job, I still have to investigate cooking school and make sure my insurance will still cover me. I still have to get Dad to kick Bradford out so I can FINALLY have the peace and quiet I need. I still have to continue my Wicca studies. I still have to find Tai a wedding present since she is now married. I still have to fly my dragon kite with Duran again so he can pretend it will hit small children (he hates kids, lol). There is so much I still have to do, and the world is going on without me. Now, I have to stand up and start walking again. Admittedly I am now a much emptier person it seems. I never realized until she passed just how much she meant to me, how much she played a part in my life.

My God, I miss her so much. Will this aching ever stop? How do I go on without her? I don't know, but I have to gather the courage to go on without her. It's just very scary and hard. I wish she could hug me one more time.


Kari said...

I didn't know you were planning to go to cooking school. That's fabulous! Well, don't forget all us little people when you're a big time chef in a fancy schmancy restaurant:)

Casey said...

Your Grandma is always with you.
I bet if you sit real still and think about her arms wrapped around you you will be able to feel her love.
My Mom been gone for 20 years and I still miss her. But if I close my eyes and think of her I can still feel her love. That never leaves us.
Yea and when your a Chef you will have to tell us where you are working.I may just have to come check it out.
As always you are in my prayers,
Hang in there Kid. I have a feeling the Lord has big plans for you in the future.

Together We Save said...

Try to be strong and remember the good times. Have a comfort that part of her is always with you.

Casey said...

Are you better? Hope all is well.

Casey said...

Okay where are you? I have missed your post.
Blog something please so I will know you are fine.

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