Life goes on, they say. That phrase meant very little to me until recently. As I have been sick (so sick I wouldn't even play WoW) I have had a lot of time to think, which is not always a good thing. I still can't believe she's gone. I half expect Grammy to call me and ask me to go shopping with her. Last night I couldn't sleep because I had dreams about her, her wonderful voice. I can't even look at the clothes she left behind here without tearing up. I hug the stuff rabbit she held until her dying breath at night for comfort. Mom is still a mess. Not only is she still sick, she is in a very, very foul mood. If I didn't need the comfort of my parents so much I would gladly leave and return home.
Today I decided I would allow myself to mope another couple of days, till Monday, then return (or attempt) to normal life. I still need a job, I still have to investigate cooking school and make sure my insurance will still cover me. I still have to get Dad to kick Bradford out so I can FINALLY have the peace and quiet I need. I still have to continue my Wicca studies. I still have to find Tai a wedding present since she is now married. I still have to fly my dragon kite with Duran again so he can pretend it will hit small children (he hates kids, lol). There is so much I still have to do, and the world is going on without me. Now, I have to stand up and start walking again. Admittedly I am now a much emptier person it seems. I never realized until she passed just how much she meant to me, how much she played a part in my life.
My God, I miss her so much. Will this aching ever stop? How do I go on without her? I don't know, but I have to gather the courage to go on without her. It's just very scary and hard. I wish she could hug me one more time.
Seiganto-ji - Temple of the Blue Waves
2 days ago